Suddenly, I felt it. The emptiness that is eating me from inside. Which is preventing my feeling of happiness and belonging. But I am not able to connect, there's a lack of trust. Lack of it because I know they are honest, but I don't trust their methods. Even after succeeding, I am of course not more confident. I am just feeling relieved. I don't feel that I have come among the top 1% in India and made it to one of the top 10 b-schools. I feel I am still lacking some thing. I don't know if things will improve by changing places. Its my attitude.I don't feel inclined to show fighting spirit even in the most worst of times. I always creating backups in case of trouble. But when trouble really comes, I never intend to take it head on.
I believe the major reason for that is the lack of belief in my own ideas. For a long time now, I am enmeshed in a network of thoughts because of being in that kind of company for long. I mean, they have good minds all of them, but their style is totally different from mine. And to these idiots, ideas that don't agree with them are stupid. As a result, my way goes on to the back burner and get lost. But what I have achieved, is completely my own style, and hence, they are appropriate. Because my way has provided me a way out while they are still struggling to get out.
There in lies my fault too. I should keep my distance. They expect me to be simpleton, its fine. I am and can't help that. But let that not make me a fool. I work hard, I am intelligent and can achieve great for myself. Let me focus on that. I need to keep my distance with these guys. Its not totally their fault. I am responsible for it too.
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